Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Seven Problems With Teen Dating

       I pose this question to Christian, teenage girls: Why are you dating?
     Too often young girls use boys to validate themselves. Having someone to tell them they're pretty and to call their boyfriends makes them feel good about themselves. The problem is, this backfires BIG TIME. In saying you "need" a boyfriend, you're saying that God isn't enough. I'm not saying that dating is the only means of doing this (I am often guilty of the "I need that book", "I need to watch that movie", "I need one more cookie"), but this post is focusing on dating, not our other idols (YES, idols).

Girls: get to know the guy BEFORE you date them, before you open your heart to them. Dating should come AFTER close friendship. You'll want to marry your best friend, right?

Here are a list a problems with teen dating:

1. You're still getting older, changing and figuring out who you are. Any relationship that is formed in your teens is almost guaranteed to fail. This will leave you feeling more insecure and wondering "what's wrong with me".  If such a relationship does not end in a break up, but survives in young marriage, that marriage will most likely not last. Young marriages end in significantly higher divorce rates than people who enter into such a union when they are older and more mature.

2. YOU ARE NOT WHO YOU DATE! Girls, the more you date, the more you define yourself by the guy you're dating. Take your teen years to find your own identity. Emotions now are driven by unstable hormones, stress and growing up.

3. Dating takes away from your relationship with God. The purpose of dating is to find the right spouse; someone who is godly, kind, respectful and honest (along with whatever else may be on your list of necessities for a future husband). But in finding a spouse, you should be sure that you are prepared to be the same.If you're dating you don't have time or concentration to fully develop your relationship with God. You should be focused on training yourself.

4. Teenage guys just aren't worth it. Females mature much faster than males. Pretty much no teenager guy is going to be mature enough to be the man that you'll need in life. He's just a boy.

5. Right now, neither you nor the person who you are to marry are probably in a place to support you and a family. When you start dating you should be stable, financially, spiritually and emotionally. You need to marry someone who has a plan for his life, one that follows God's commands and will be conducive to marriage and family living.

6. Guys are not for emotional comfort. Teenagers feel emotions more strongly than they will the rest of their lives. Infatuation is not love. Feeling good is not love. Don't follow feelings that can change in a few months. You are emotionally fragile and need to lean on God, not an immature boy who will, in the end, most likely hurt you and leave you more insecure. The more you date, the more little pieces of your heart you lose and the less it will mean when you actually are old enough to date.

7. Lust. Sure, lust is always a temptation. but in teenager years, with racing hormones fighting for release, it can be a major struggle. Lust in itself is sin, then lust leads to action. Premarital sex (and by sex I do not mean only intercourse, but any sexual action) is sin. It will be a temptation you'll have to deal with, but being in a relationship makes it worse.  Too many girls fall back on the whole "I'm technically a virgin" thing. purity is as much a frame of mind as it is physical. Sexual immorality, STD's and teenage pregnancy are products of immature dating.

     There is not magically age when you are suddenly ready to date. But I can promise you, you're not ready to get married at fourteen, so there is no point in dating. It is an individual decision, each person being different, when you should start dating. If you enter into a relationship the right way, and are with the person you are meant to marry, it will all fall into place.

       Sure, we'll get tired of waiting, but in the end, won't it be worth it? Just think of the day when you'll get to spend your entire life with the right person. Someone who will take care of you with loyalty and love. Avoid prematurely broken hearts and baggage by wisely investing in friendships and conditioning yourself to be a helper. dating isn't something to be taken lightly, though in our society it is seen as recreation. It's NOT. It's your future, your soul and it is IMPORTANT. Talk to parents, pastors, and other Christian adults about your relationships. Guard your heart against those who will only harm you (never date a non-Christian).
Here is an article on what we should train ourselves to be; how to be godly and the importance of Christian womanhood:

"Dating without intention of marriage is like going to the store with no intention of buying anything." 


  1. EXACTLY my mindset. When I talk to girls younger than I am and they say they have boyfriends, the first thing I ask is why. And what you said are the reasons I tell them, gently of course, that teenage dating is pointless.

    1. Same here. I know nine year olds with boyfriends. It's crazy!

    2. Seriously! And I just sit there looking at them like, "What do you even DO with a boyfriend?!?!"

  2. My parents discovered on their honeymoon that my dad wasn't old enough to rent a car. Their marriage was twenty years old this year.

    That being said, I think it was God more than anything else that sustained them that long, especially considering my dad wasn't a believer when he married my mom.

    That is to say, I agree with this post.

    1. WOW. With God, all things are possible! He saw the end from their beginning, for sure.

    2. Wow! I'm so glad they have that story! And I hope he is a Christian now!

  3. I agree! Like, 100%. Well, I support people who get married young but other than that yes.

    I SO want to marry my best friend! Thats something Im looking forward to and I think its so cool. So many people get caught up in the romantic side but your future spouse is so much more than a romantic partner. They'll be you life partner and best friend! How cool is that?!

    People need to not rush into relationships and enjoy simple friendships too. Because seriously.

    1. I don't think there's a problem with people getting married, as long as they are IN LOVE and following the right path.
      I totally agree!

  4. The blog was absolutely fantastic! Lot of great information which can be helpful in some or the other way. Keep updating the blog, looking forward for more contents...Great job, keep it up..
    teen chat